The paradox of contradicting erotic and real life roles.

There is a paradox many who are associated with femdom fetish and masochism (mostly the humiliation, control, etc masochists, not the real pain masochists, which compose a specific category) ocassionaly mention. So, they often, surprised, conclude that masochists and femdom fetishists are very successful in real life and they are dominant in their real life. The solution to this supposedly paradox is simple. Their whole brain is simply functioning around terms like: worthy/unworthy, demand, dominant/submissive, above/below, so they watch real life this way and their erotic life too. For example, they work hard in order to feel worthy to be able to get satisfaction (for instance an expensive meal, etc). This ill perceived reality makes them active in real life, but in a compulsive way and not in a healthy creative way. But why, since these people are so dominant in real life, they choose to be submissive in their erotic life? Because, since they view life and pleasures as being worthy of them, etc, it is easy to feel below a hot woman (that has plastic eyelashes, fake boobs, etc, but they don't realise that). Also, they may excites them the fact they serve a mistress instead of fuck a hot model, since their servitude makes them feel worthy, since they get the attention of a "diva" and not a regular whore that anyone can have (the fact they suffer makes them feel they do something important, an ill-perceived reality of a child who reads textbooks to get good grades because he is forced to, without reason, and he ends to think that suffering is good). Also, they may perceive their desire for a hot woman as weakness and her charm as a power, because for them everything is about powers and weaknesses. Why these people don't want to be dominant in their erotic life, since they always seek dominance in real life? Because their chasing for dominance in real life is not a healthy attitude, but they seek dominance not because they enjoy it, but as a compulsion and as a way to alleviate their fear of insecurity and inferiority. That's why they choose to be submissive in their erotic life, in order to alleviate their fears. Isn't contradicting that they alleviate their fear they might be weak, etc by choosing to be weak in their erotic life? Well, no, because experiencing what they fear, they stop fearing it any more. Being submissive in their erotic life makes their mind place all their inner fears about weaknesses and inferiority to the erotic field, which is well controlled and well hidden (they actually have control over their mistress and their submissiveness is their little secret), otherwise they would live with their fears. Once again, it is shown that masochistic and femdom activities are a way to express a traumatic individual and these people must have the cure that they need and not to pay low life scums like dominatrixes. They often express their fetishes in a trustful relationship and this seems to work for them, but again, it is not wise science and society to close their eyes towards a mental health issue.

Subconscious fears and conflicts

In order to diagnose, cure, etc fetishes, we must have access to the subconscious. The true mechanism of perversion lies in the subconscious, that's why often perverse activities are not explicable by fetishists themselves or the researchers. It is interesting to find a tool or technic that would be able to read thoughts that otherwise cannot be aware by the consciousness and thus expressed by speech. Thinking, fantasizing, etc are all brain functions and their basis is electrochemical brain activities. So, being able to detect and record that activity would enable us to later reproduce it and decode it into images and thoughts. Tiny electrodes and molecular imaging scanners could detect and record electrical activities and changes in molecular structure in real time, that are supposed to create thoughts. Another key to explore, is whether subconscious thoughts take place as speech or not, in other words if we make subconscious thoughts as sentences spoken by the subconscious voice of our mind. Then decoding would be easy if we match specific words with specific electrochemical brain activities. Drugs that will supress conscious control over subconscious and thus help us reveal subconscious would be useful too. Being able to listen to the subconscious, we will find the thoughts that trigger sexual arousal towards a fetishistic image that is normally repulsive to other people. This post is about reading the subconscious, another post will be about how to treat the false thoughts of subconscious or resolve conflicts between consciousness and subconscious.

Preventions and Solutions

So far, the blog has focused on exposing the mechanisms behind fetishes and mainly the most common, astonishing and disturbing fetish, masochism in the form of femdom. However, in order to make the world and humanity free from sexual perversions we must develop technics to diagnose, to prevent, to cure, etc perversions. It is quite common, phrases like 'cure perversions' raise significant objections from perverts mainly and closet perverts, who do not want to consider perversion as a disease and do not want to give up their perversions (it is understandable since it is their only way to achieve orgasms). However, it must be established that diagnosing, curing, etc sexual perversions is essential, not because some kind of religious compulsions dictate this or because humanity should be afraid of perverts etc (there is nothing really wrong with perverts, if within the law and if they do their perversions privately), but because, since perversions are expressions of inner conflicts and fears, studying them is a good vehicle that will lead us to understanding and curing human psyche and since perversions are symptoms, we will cure psyches and develop healthier psyches.

Common research flaws.

Before proceeding in analyzing femdom fetish and masochism (again, talking about males exclusively) it must be stressed that most researchers stop analyzing masochism at the point that they found that the masochist enjoys his life and his masochistic activities and that without engaging in masochistic activities, he gets depressed. Most researchers also rest upon masochists' claims that their need to submit, to worship, to suffer for the name of their love object, to taste the body fluids of the love object, etc are all parts of intimacy, sexual arousal intensification, etc and they get convinced by these claims. Most researchers ended up into the trap to consider male masochism as a sexual preference that there is no worry to engage to masochistic activities etc. Ofcourse this is a tragic mistake because they fail to analyze and possibly develop treatments to cure the trauma behind masochism. As this blog extensively analyzes, masochism is a symptom of trauma and the masochist experiences masochistic activities surely egodystonically, surely while being ego-detached and surely with major amount of distress, but the alleviating of the conflict that masochistic activities offer, is overstressed and many people would draw the false conclusion that masochism makes masochist happy. In fact, it is a necessary evil for him in order to achieve relief from his inner conflict and the only way to get full erection. Please, notice the 'full' because psychiatric manuals mention that if erection can be achieved without masochistic activities, then there is no problem with the masochist. They don't mention that even though masochists can achieve erection without masochistic activities, maybe their masochistic fantasies help them do so, or maybe their erection is not pleasurable or hard enough. So we must not underestimate that the healthy sexuality and attitude is to have hard erection with the absence of masochistic activities or fantasies and less or no erection with the presence of these.

Disgust

Disgust is a major element in most masochistic fantasies and activities. For example, urination into mouth is arousal for many masochists. Ofcourse the view of the female genitalia and the proximity to it, is arousal for most men. Even the urinating female genitalia can be still arousing to some men, if they simply ignore the urination and focus on the genitalia itself. So, at first place, it is deception for someone to believe he is urophiliac or masochist because he is aroused at the sight of the urinating female genitalia. However, masochistic way of thinking often uses specific arguements to justify the need of urination drinking etc. For example that urine is a product of the love object and 'must' be worshipped as the love object itself. Ofcourse that logic flaw is not true at all, it is not necessary to love waste in order to completely love a love object. It is interesting why masochistic mind generates such excuses in order to expose the masochist to an unpleasing and humiliating situation of urine drinking. The mechanism of putting himself into harsh situations in the name of his love for the love object is quite common in masochistic way of thinking. The masochist claims that this increases his love because it is love through self sacrifice, thus he achieves greater sexual arousal. The truth is that the greater arousal is from the self-defeating and humiliating act and not from the love expressed through sacrifice. Love can be expressed through sacrifice, but some external coincidence should create such situation in order to put someone his self into sacrificing, otherwise no one would deliberately sacrifice himself without reason, in contrast with the masochist. Moreover, if urinating wasn't considering disgusting or humiliating, the masochist wouldn't find it fascinating. His need for acts that defeat his ego and his superego ofcourse serve to defeat his obstacles about sexuality. Another thing to consider is that the masochist considers, at first hand, female genitalia as dirty since it urinates. He won't touch, lick, etc female genitalia because of his fear that it will urinate on him or that it will be dirty from previous urinatings. So his conflict creates fears that prevent his arousal. Exposing himself to what he fears, under controlled situation ofcourse (for example a woman he knows and trusts, that he knows she is not infected, that she will stop if he orders her to stop etc etc) his fear become obsolete (remember that fear is distress about possible future dangers) and so he can achieve erection, since he is already 'dirty' with urination. Another thing to consider, is that many urophiliacs claim that urinating fetish is about intimacy. Ofcourse genitalia is trully about intimacy, but urinating, since it is disgusting and dirty and dangerous and socially unacceptable, etc can successfully be omitted from the meaning of intimacy. However they choose to consider this as intimacy, simply because it serves their need to alleviate their conflicts and fears. Moreover, with their indulging to urophilia, they break society taboo's that they experience them too demanding and too prohibiting, so that engaging to urophilia gives them an imaginary and false feeling or freeing. As for forcing to do disgusting things that is common in femdom masochism, it surely serves the same principle. The masochist is who he orders the dominatrix to force him do so and the forcing is not about proving his love, his submission, etc, but it symbolizes his overcoming of his ego and superego that pose obstacles to his sexuality. It is clear that disgust associated with fetishes and femdom masochism is basically the express of the inner conflict that superego's obstacles create.

The fetish of the deceived: femdom

Fetishists of femdom suffer from distorted sexuality and inner conflicts that mess up their sexuality. It is not impossible, but requires extensive research, to index all the possible fears and conflicts that may lead someone to femdom fetish. Unfortunately, researches and practicioners do not seem to bother doing this, because it is quite established the arguement not to touch human psyche, unless a serious problem comes in surface. Ofcourse this is not supposed to improve knowledge of human psyche. Anyway, what is the matter with femdom fetishists is that they need to deceive themselves with various deceptions in order to function properly sexually and this is sad, dangerous and definately not healthy. There is also a portion of those that are undeliberately deceived by their own mind, for example those who think that making love to a woman means submission etc and these may fall into femdom fetish, by their own deceptions. The influential impact of the images and videos of femdom are not to be ignored, especialy now that internet made them available to young men. Since, many websites contain questions like 'are really dominatrixes that cold, cruel, etc?' we can assume that youth is exposed to another threat, to another deceptive messages that they need to filter properly. Most parents do not seem able to protect their children properly and children often lack someone to teach them how to block bad influences and deceptive messages.

The fetish of the psychologically impotent: femdom

Other characteristics that femdom fetishists share are low self esteem, low sociability, shame, feeling addicted, feeling consumed, feeling unable and helpless. All these thoughts are ofcourse inhibiting sexual arousal. Their mind makes these thoughts in order to help them control their sexual urges for other reasons. So why would a masochist, or otherly refered as femdom fetishist, gets erected when called addicted, when called shameful, when called pathetic, etc? Wouldn't that inhibit more his sexuality? He actually chooses to go through that suffering in order to achieve sexual arousal. This, although it seems contradicting, it is very clear. The masochist is entagled into a conflict between sexual urges and sexual inhibitions in the form of feeling unworthy, shameful, disgusting, addicted, consumed, helpless, manipulated, etc. He cannot ignore neither of these opposing forces. He cannot reassure himself that he is not disgusting, addicted etc (his mind will try to find 'evidence' to remind him, for example his mind perceives his every erection as a disgusting thing or addicted or pervert, etc) and he cannot ignore his sexual urges, because he derives pleasure from them. He tries to balance by experiencing not too intense orgasms (under the effect of inhibitions) and by trying to limit his masturbation, arousal etc. Pornography of femdom brings an imbalance into this conflict. It urges him to express his sexual urges (by portraying the female partner as goddess, as irresistible, as demanding, as powerful etc and by portraying the male partner as weak, lustful, out of control, etc) and at the same time it fuels his inhibitions. This way, the inner conflict is externalized and the femdom fetishist, from the safety of his seat, he feels disgusted and aroused at the same time. He already felt this way before ofcourse. Now he has to choose, to masturbate or not to. He starts to masturbate to this stuff so he overcomes his fears. Ofcourse, this fuels his conflict so that eventually it hooks him.