Dilemma

There is a strange force that makes a femdom fetishist to enact masochistic acts. As for humiliation, he must first be sensitive to humiliation. Specific humiliating things must be humiliating for the specific masochist. For example for one it may be humiliating to be forced to dress like a woman, but for a cross-dress fetishist, this may not be humiliating, he may regard this as his true nature, he feels nice in women clothes and not humiliated.

How can something can be humiliating? Because it leads to loss, loss of dignity, loss of masculinity, loss of egoism, etc. Many people dress in woman clothes for masquarade parties, halloween, etc. They don't feel humiliated, they are having fun. What makes them not feel humiliated is that they do not feel they loose their masculinity or anything. Ofcourse, the fact that the others in the masquarade party are dressed too, makes them feel more comfortable (this is another important issue to be discussed).

Back to the topic, the masochist has a developed (often subconscious) fear. For the forced dressing example, he fears of losing his masculinity, his power, his self, his dignity (whatever represents for him dressing with his normal clothes, that's why the same humiliating action may fascinate many masochists, because each can find his own fear in it). How can loss of masculinity is associated with women and sexuality in general? Maybe his inability (for various reasons, small penis, sociability, etc) to make sexual relationships makes him perceive sexuality as a loss of masculinity, because it reminds him his inadequacy as a man. Other reason may be that he feels weak with a woman (and he feels weak because he feels aroused and feeling aroused and under the dizziness of sexual arousal he feels as weak).

Since he has assigned a fear, a threat, to women and to sexuality in general, this fear/threat works as an inhibition that prevents him from seeing women sexually, etc. The solution to this, is to either ignore his sexual urges, or somehow overcome his fear. Ignoring his sexual urges is not something he wants, so he cannot avoid sexuality and thus he cannot avoid his fear, which is bound with his sexuality. So he needs to overcome a fear that he cannot avoid. This is the mechanism behind most if not all masochistic tendencies. The elements are fear/threat, and force/inescapable.

Now, a mechanism of the mind comes in, which makes him cope with his fear. In this fight or flight situation, the masochist actually has no alternative: he jumps into the stressful situation and to fight with his fear. Why he does that? Well, he cannot go back actually, because he needs to satisfy his sexual urges. These splitting inner forces, force him into this stressful situation. He must expose himself to his fear in order to cope with it and in order to gain what he seeks: sexual satisfaction, otherwise he will not get sexual satisfaction (and it is not only his need for sexual satisfaction, but he also needs to make the fears that hunt him each time he watches a woman, or he sees something sexual, etc, to cease, so double goal). Ofcourse, there is something important: would he overcome his fear if he will go with a prostitute, have sex, and everything is ok? No! He will not have sexual satisfaction, because his inhibitions may prevent his erection, his mind will be distracted by his fear, etc. So he need to set up a scene with a woman that will force him to dress as a female. This situation only will represent accurately his inner threat and fear. Coping with this situation, will alleviate his fear of loss of masculinity. So femdom fetishist is actually trying to cope with his fears. Overcoming his fear will lead to peace of mind and sexual satisfaction. So, it is clear why he seeks sadistic partners, stressful and threatening situations, etc. He does not derive satisfaction from his humiliation for example, he simply needs to be in that situation in order to make his mind stop saying to him 'what if she will humiliate you'. But, this is only the first step to overcome his fear (his sexual inhibition), to simulate the fear by engaging in a femdom scene. What about the other, most essential part? Overcoming his fear? Would slapping his mistress as she humiliates him and raping her, mean overcoming his fear? Would answering with insults to his mistress who humiliates him, mean overcoming his fear? Well, that is what one would expect. But, actually, his fear is not actually that he fears of being humiliated, this whole mechanism is a sexuality inhibition (that the mind uses to supress sexuality, for various reasons, for example because he feels overwhelmed by his sexuality, etc). So, his goal is not to make his fear stop by raping his mistress, his goal is to retain his sexuality, even under that stressful and fearful situation! So he focus in the sexuality of the scene (there must be a sexuality, otherwise there the scene is not valid, eg he focus to his love for his mistress, her beautiful body, her demandings that he perceives them as an opportunity to satisfy her, etc). By enduring all what he feared, and supposedly be sexually aroused, he actually overcomes his fear: he express his sexuality even when exposed to his fears. This is the masochist's goal. It is not his goal to retain his dignity, masculinity etc (since that would inhibit his sexuality or simply while retaining his dignity etc he would not be as sexual as if he loose it). It is his goal to express his sexuality under situations that supposedly supress his sexuality.

Ofcourse, the femdom masochist is simply found to fight with imaginary enemies, with non-existing fears. And this is very sad. All "scientists" that claim male masochism or femdom is healthy, they do this either because they lack the way to explain it, or because masochists are not clinically significant cases. The masochist is blinded by fear, fears that don't exist, and he is watched to suffer from imaginative whips, illusionary enemies, for simply no reason.

Female sadists are simply hurted women that want revenge, insecure women, imbalanced women, women who cannot get male attention and admiration otherwise, cheap prostitutes that prefer to whip men than fucking them, etc.

Male masochists want their female sadistic partners to pretend being sadistic, so to simply externalize their threats and fears. Imagine a healthy sexually person: he gets angry at the woman who humiliates him, he loses his initial sexual interest if she humiliates him, he looses his erection if he experiences pain, he wants his partner to be loving etc. He laughs at the sight of a mistress with a whip or at the sight of a humiliating mistress. This is the normal reaction. He does not feel threatened and he does not fear anything, his dignity, his masculinity, his self, etc are intact, safe, etc. He does not see the reason to compromise them in order to have sexual satisfaction, he actually has sexual satisfaction because of his masculinity, his self, his dignity, that are appreciated by his female partner and he feels loved.

Thus, male masochists' sexuality is totally messed up.